For Good.

Many of you know of my love of lyrics. Perhaps my greatest, albeit, most useless talents is the thousands of song lyrics I know and can sing (badly) by memory. I was tuned into my ipod today in my car and once again a song randomly played that seemed to be singing to my heart. It was from the "Wicked" soundtrack, titled For Good. Below you will see the words I am referring to, and if you look to the right you can find it on my track list under "music."

"I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do,
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good."

Avery, and specifically, Avery's challenges have changed me "for good." Sometimes I think about what our life would be like if she didn't have Mastocytosis. If she didn't have Autism. If she could run, talk, and relate to others. If she was just a typical three year old attending preschool and play dates. I wonder if I would appreciate the small feats, if I would understand how amazing a look, a hug, and a kiss are. If I would still be comparing, if I would still be wrapped up in insignificant worries. In every way, and every single day, autism has changed us. And I dare to say it has changed us for the better.

Before Avery, I thought I was wise. After all, I had worked with dozens of kids with Autism. I thought I understood. I thought in some way, I could relate to those families because of my vested interest in helping their children. In hearing their stories. And though I am sure on many levels I was valuable to their lives, I know now, how truly remarkable it is to see your child master a skill. How lucky for me that those precious families helped pave the way to my better understanding. The understanding of how you ache for good news, for positive outlooks and for someone to give you hope. How sad, how truly and painstakingly sad it is to lose your perfectly healthy child into a devastating neurological disorder. How heartbreaking it is to work at something day in and day out, and see no change. There was NO way for me to truly grasp these lessons until they happened to me. Now I get it. And hopefully, through your connection to me and even in reading this blog, you will start to get it too. Autism is changing us all "for good."