Avery Grace

Avery Grace

Monday, April 26, 2010

A little bit Crazy

Pregnancy doesn't exactly agree with me. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW this is a blessing, and that we certainly want three children... I just feel like a sick, anxiety ridden, over-reactive, not to mention fat version of my former (fairly sane and put together) self. Thank GOD this is a temporary state... I am already counting down the days till I can resume normal coping meds and the nightly glass of wine to ease my stress! I can assure you that my husband and children probably are too! The overabundance of hormones in my system have taken over. So I guess you could say, at least for the next few months, that I have gone a little bit crazy... so I apologize in advance for anything I might do or say that seems a little over the top. Again, thank GOD this is temporary. I like the normal me much better, but I remain extraordinarily grateful.

Grateful for my husband who tolerates my moods and my anxiety, grateful for my two cool kiddos... disability and all! And grateful for my extended family and amazing network of friends who "get me" and can laugh and cry and share in my life however crazy it may be. I found a quote that I love describing gratitude and it's power. It is as follows:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." (Melody Beattie)

Of all the attributes one can acquire, perhaps the most important when dealing with a sick child, a bad day, disability, and even death of a loved one is gratitude. Like anyone in a situation similar to mine, I have days when I see friends who seem to have it all (healthy kids, steady finances, support, attractiveness and so on)and wonder why MY life has to be so hard in comparison. My competitive nature has NOT been a benefit in the last few years, so I have worked really hard to let it go... and instead adopt an attitude of gratitude.

I am so thankful for the gifts in my life. Even the ones that may not seem like gifts at all. Maybe not in a moment where I am a little bit crazy... but for the most part, Avery has given me clarity. One more gift from my sweet little non-verbal miracle. So at the end of a particularly difficult day, or hour... I try really hard to close my eyes and step back for just a second, take a deep breath and remember to be grateful. Grateful for GRACE, JOY and soon to be HOPE in my life. This pregnancy is a means to an end... and at it's finale... we will have a third beautiful daughter who will add so much love to our growing family... and not to mention HOPE.