Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Okay, so I decided it would be a good idea to post again in case some of you were worried I may have jumped off my roof yesterday or something. Obviously, it was a bad day. A REALLY bad few hours... pretty tear filled and over-anxious, but as it always does, and did today, the sun came up again and we were able to start fresh. In the big picture, days like yesterday are pretty few and far between, and it's not really Avery that changes all that much, but it is how I perceive my circumstances, and how I am able to cope with the MANY challenges having a child with several health problems, including Autism.
Sometimes it truly does feel like my world is caving in. Like I can't get a grip. I think about life BA... (before Avery) and I am instantly snapped back to how much I adore her. How she lights up my whole life and brings me compassion beyond measure. It is manic how in a few moments I can move from being totally overwhelmed to focused and driven. But I am doing the very best I can, even though many days I feel like my children and husband deserve better.
On a positive note, Avery continues to make some (albeit very slow) progress. She is really much more aware of her surroundings. She is pointing out pictures in books and magazines all the time. She is responding to her name and to several simple commands or requests. She is smiling AT us, she is taking actual bites of food instead of stuffing or me having to cut every single piece up, she is making a few sounds, and she is climbing better and ALMOST running. All steps in the right direction. Looking back on the past two years, it seems with every step forward we have had two or three steps back that quickly followed. Hopefully, the progress she is making now will really stick. I remain hopeful. I am staying focused on today, trying to push out the anxiety and worry. It's a battle. Hour by hour, we are surviving this fight. We are moving on, and doing so with very precious cargo. Keep your fingers crossed that our perspective stays in check. Because our lives are truly enriched by those that need our help the most.