I wonder how many times in a day I think back to the first year of Avery's life, and try to hold on to the memories of how she was... of all that she "used to do." I also wonder how many times a day I think ahead to what is to come, pointless really, because who really knows. I worry needlessly about struggles we haven't even begun to encounter yet, and quickly try to redirect my thinking to what is happening right now. I try to remind myself time and time again to live in the present.
On one hand I wish we could freeze time. Today Avery is still only 2 and a half. It's okay that she is still in a highchair, still has to be spoon fed at times, and still doesn't talk. It's pretty obvious that she is different than most two year olds, but the differences aren't drastic yet. On the other hand, I want to fast forward to when she will be verbal, when she can do more for herself, to when she can share her joys and sorrows with me. I know she will always have Autism, but I also know that the sky is the limit for her. I KNOW that she will make progress.
But lets get back to today. TODAY is all we have. It is a beautiful day. TODAY Avery waved bye bye THREE times to her beloved therapist. TODAY Avery said three words... sticker, uh oh, and bird. TODAY Kaylee is babbling and cracking up at silly faces. TODAY Avery's face lit up with smiling anticipation as she was walked to the car after preschool where I was waiting with open arms to greet her. Sometimes people spend way too much time focusing on what they cannot do, and/or on what they cannot do anymore. Avery's therapist was making a great point to me when she said " I USED to be able to put my legs behind my head... can't do it anymore, and I am not going to worry about it." I can't run a marathon, I can't win a spelling bee, I can't play piano. I wish I could, but I don't worry about what I cannot do... I can do a whole lot, and so can my precious two year old. She can walk, she can laugh, she can do ring around the rosie, she can do puzzles, she can follow some simple directions, she can paint, and she can bring happiness like none other to those around her. I am so grateful for all that she CAN do. I am so blessed by all she is teaching me.