There is often a rainbow when the sun appears after a great storm. Not always a big, full arc shining colors rainbow, but pleasant to look at nonetheless. Sometimes I am angry at my role in life, other times sad, but always grateful in some way for the incredible lessons I am learning, mostly about how to love.
I was so mad at myself on Wednesday for missing the Oprah show which had Jenny McCarthy on talking about her newest book on being a mother to a child with Autism. I caught the tail end of the show, and heard Jim Carrey (who knew he was such and introspective, deep thinker!) say something I think is great. He was talking about how hard it was at first for him to connect with her son. Here's this guy, who can make ANYONE laugh and react in some way, who said "I could have been on fire in the room and he wouldn't have noticed." Then he said something I am going to hold on to. He was talking about what kids with Autism are here for. He said... "These kids [have] come to show us how to go somewhere deeper as far as loving. They show us that we have to take our expectation out of the equation and just be there because we want to be there for them," he says. "What I learned is to kind of sit back and try to connect. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, but just be there for them."
Isn't that a great attitude to have.
I adore my children. That's what makes this all so hard at times. I want more than anything for them to be healthy and thrive. But I also need to work on ME. As I work tirelessly to find answers, I also need to just sit back and remember to enjoy them. MY attitude is something I DO have control over, so I am going to really make an effort to stay jovial and hopeful. To heal and live fully. To put positive energy out into the universe and sit back and see how it all unfolds. Because we really are blessed.
2 comments:
With school starting and college again, I hadn't read your blog for several weeks until last night. I always read it, cry, pray for you, and then come back to it. As I read it last night, I couldn't help but think that your role might be bigger than you realize. You are so smart, trained to work with children, and so eager to find treatments for Avery. You might be living this to make great things happen not only for Avery but for many other children as well. May God bless you and your family.
You ARE blessed, Jenny, on so many levels! Working on YOU is important, however as a mother of two gorgeous little girls, it is VERY understandable to put all your energy into raising them! I can, however attest to what Melissa said in her comment....you ARE "living this to make great things happen for not only Avery but for many children as well." You hold me up, regarding Bradston, when I want to just break down and cry, in your presence. You hold Bradston up, with all the potential you see in him, and you help us to SEE it too! You ARE an angel to those whose lives you touch, and you ARE an angel to Avery....you are providing her with "your wings" to fly, and eventually she will fly with her own wings! ~Lori Swick
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