They Can't ALL be good days.

So, it seemed like we were rolling along pretty steady. Avery was doing okay in therapy and preschool, not much progress, but a little less regression. Kaylee was thriving. Growing like a weed and showing off new skills all the time. We were getting into a routine. I'm back at work one day a week, enjoying the break from my own crisis. Things were just starting to look a little brighter. BAM... assessment time. I hate... no, I despise taking Avery to a new place for a developmental assessment and having to relive the last 15 months of hell. And this time, she was hating it too. When it became clear that she was not going to respond to the evaluator, she was strapped into a wooden chair, favorite toys snatched from her hands and repeatedly asked to perform... which she was in NO mood to do. "Point at the bear's eyes.." over and over and over again... then "put the ball in the box" over and over and over again. The evaluator saying "she hasn't looked at me one time today." No shit lady, you took her toys and stuck her in a wooden trap... I wouldn't look at you either. I can promise you that she looked and ME several times as if to say.."what the hell is happening here mom... get me outta this place!"

And then there was my portion. The "parent report" side since Avery was not going to show off her skills. Can she do this??? "no" How about this??? "no" What about this??? "Well, she used to, but not any more." and so on and so on. So I am ONCE AGAIN reminded of what her deficits are. How she can't do basic things 9 month olds can do. "But she knows her letters!!!" Only for the evaluator to test this and Avery just stared off into the corner... she had checked out of this place!

Ugghhh. I started to check out too, and daydream of having a "normal" therapy free day with my free spirited toddler eating normal food at a park, having fun, swinging and sliding down the slide. I will survive this day, and many more like it that I am sure are in our near and far future. It sucks though. Autism sucks.