Maybe it's fitting that in the month of Thanksgiving, where we try to shift our attention to one of gratitude, that we are about to face our toughest challenge of 2015. If we were any other parents, this challenge may indeed be our toughest yet, but the last 10 years of being parents have been far from easy. Thank God for gratitude. For without it, I would be lost. I have written and spoken of gratitude hundreds of times. It is my saving grace, and the absolute ONLY reason I haven't completely lost my shit. Because when I truly sit back and think about it, even with the challenges, the struggle, and the heartache, our life is STILL pretty spectacular. And our children, despite their diagnoses, differences and downright crummy luck, are happy, wonderful, and amazing little people who make a profound impact on those who know them.
I could write a book about how motherhood certainly isn't at all as I planned it to be, and I could tell you all about my feelings, my expectaions, how I've changed, how I cope- but this time it's just not about me. It's about one precious little boy (and his adoring three big sisters.)
..."and she loved a little boy very, very much- even more than she loved herself." Shel Silverstein
Sweet Paxton. Our little peace baby. Our last, and littlest love. "Pax-man" and "bubby" to his big sisters.
Please keep this adored baby in your thoughts and prayers over the coming weeks if you will. The latest MRI of his brain indicated that he needs the surgery that will treat his ventriculomegaly/hydrocephalus. We go in for pre-op on December 2nd, and his surgery is the morning of the 3rd.
His brain surgery is three fold, with two incisions on his head and one in his abdomen. He will have this shunt forever we hope, though most of the time a few revisions are needed in a lifetime, hopefully not many since each one is brain surgery.
Paxton is 22 months old. He is the HAPPIEST little dude. He smiles and laughs ALL the time, and loves balls, dogs, scooting around on his bottom, tickles, food, and his momma. He is bright and silly and has so much love and life in his soul. We are so GRATEFUL for him, for his doctors, therapists, amazing caregiver, and friends. It's going to be a bittersweet holiday season for us, but we remain optimistic, energized, and ready to embark on yet another new journey. There is no greater pain than seeing your child struggle. It is my hope, that the road to recovery, though bumpy, will be well worth the infinite joy that will most certainly result from getting to see this baby thrive.