I was listening to the Micheal Buble song, "Everything" today and was moved by the lyrics as I drove alone in my car. I rarely get a few minutes to myself, and when I do, it's usually in the car, and I love to pump the music up loud and get lost in the melody. It brings me back to a time when my life was uncomplicated and simple, but not nearly as meaningful or complete. Anyway, here are the words that sang to me as I traveled... I think you will see the connection here.
"You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything."
I have heard this song a hundred times I bet, and every time I hear it, I can't help but think of Avery. Of course, both of my children are my "everything" and our "times" sure are "crazy!"
Last night, after a long week of therapy, research and sleepless nights, Bryan, my girls and I got to hang out at home as a family, and roll around on the floor and play. Moments like this are what get me through the hard times. We were singing Avery's favorite songs, dancing, and acting silly... and Avery and Kaylee were both belly laughing. Avery is incredibly hard to reach, and under-reactive at most attempts to gain her attention, but when you get on her level, let her climb and twirl in circles with you, she really shines through. She is still there... she's just harder to find sometimes.
Earlier in the week I was working on putting short video clips I have saved on my MAC on You Tube. I started this project because sweet Kaylee started crawling this week and I have been videotaping her and Avery from time to time on my new FlipShare. I hadn't looked at the footage from Avery's first 18 months in a long time. I knew it would be hard to see my perfectly normal baby before her brain went haywire. But it was really okay. I think I was ready to see her again, and almost say goodbye. She was babbling, making "car" sounds, imitating "da da da," crawling, learning to walk to us, responsive to her name and to simple requests... totally, 100% interactive and on target. It blows me away that now, almost two years later, we are still trying to get back to where she can do some of those things. We aren't there yet... but we are still trying. It's a "mystery," as the song says.
2009 has started off with a bang. Not the way we had hoped, but most things aren't these days. All we can do is find solace in the peaceful, happy, family moments we get to share where the world that is judging us is locked outside our doors. Avery is our beloved, precious child, and to us, she is perfect... just as she is. I hope and pray for her health to improve, and maybe one day for her "developmental skills" to get moving, but regardless, she IS love. She IS hope. And she and Kaylee are our "Everything."